Due to several conversations lately, courtship has been on my mind. I'm not doubting my decision or principles, but how would I explain them? How would I promote them? How would I defend them? How would I describe courtship to others?
But, before I deal with courtship, I should say... I know many people who have dated in the past and this post should NOT reflect on them at all. Some of my favorite people in the world have dated, and they are still some of my favorite people. I want to deal with courtship and dating as institutions... not specific examples. Oh, and by the way, many people I know have used some of these principles and called it something other than courtship... such as "dating." :) I'm not attached to the name "courtship." So, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
Ok. Moving on...
While deciding on how to present courtship, I asked myself --> Why do I believe in courtship? Why do I want to commit to such these principles?
My reasons fit into 3 categories. 3 categories I would call "the 3 Pillars of Courtship."
The 3 Pillars of Courtship
Protection
Accountability
Purpose
Protection:
When two people become involved, hearts strings are easily entangled. In the early stages of a relationship, this is unfortunate. These attachments can cloud good judgments. In courtship, the young man would ask the girl's father for permission. Fathers are a third-party; they are naturally more objective than either the young men or young women. He can help protect both of their heart strings from becoming prematurely attached.
Accountability:
Responsibility is important for any relationship -- especially a boy/girl relationship. Hanging out with the families keep young people accountable. (My previous Pastor always suggested group activities as a good alternative to one-on-one.) Young men and women are answerable to their parents. In matters of the heart, the rules can become fuzzy. Parents can still see the lines when young people cannot. The Bible tells us to "flee temptation." What better way to flee than to have parental accountability?
Purpose:
The goal of courtship is marriage. This is not to imply that if there are problems, the courtship will not end. However, courtship looks forward to marriage -- not temporary personal gratification. The dating institution contributes to an already prevalent, societal problem: Self worship. Young people, who are not ready for marriage, are in "relationships." By pursing these relationships, they're having "fun." Self-gratification becomes the goal. Contrary to the biblical model of dying-to-self, these relationships promote how "I" feel and what "I" want. In a courtship, the intent, if everything goes well, is marriage.
These 3 tenets are the core of my reasons for believing in courtship as a good principle. While not exhaustive, it does represent my current thinking on the subject... Your thoughts?
